If you’ve been paying attention over the past few days, you may have seen a viral post going around by a man talking about his wife’s body. I’m not going to link to it, but the basic gist is that she’s a little curvy and he still manages to love her anyway.
Gasp! Someone get that man a medal!
Seriously, though, this post has gone completely viral because someone loves the body that their partner came in. That’s not something that should be revolutionary. The woman in question is, at most, small fat (though apparently she hates the word fat because it’s mean or something, according to her blog). She’s basically average, with some cellulite and thick thighs like most of us have.
I’m not bothered that this man loves his wife or that he thinks she’s as hot as it gets. That’s a good thing for them! Really, congrats on finding each other and being happy!
I am bothered, however, that he seems to think he should get accolades for loving a woman who isn’t the size of a fashion model.
Here’s the thing: you don’t deserve a cookie because you’re attracted to a fat person, or a curvy person, or whatever you want to call a person who isn’t a size 2. If you fall for someone, that should include their body. If you love someone simply because of their body, that can be fetishizing or objectifying. If you love someone in spite of their body, that’s cruel. You love a person, you love the package they come in. They’re gorgeous because they are.
People of varying shapes and sizes, different levels of conventional attractiveness, and so forth, find love. They do. Most people are not models, yet they continue to pair off. I don’t care if it’s a long-term relationship, a one-night stand, or something in between, coupling up with a fat person isn’t something magical.
I know, I know, it’s almost like we’re people or something.
Attraction doesn’t exist in a vacuum, however. We’re often told that we have no control over who we think is hot, who we fall in love with, and so forth, but actually we can be very much influenced by what we are exposed to and told is attractive. This influence not only skews who we look at, but it also messes up how we act when we’re attracted to someone who doesn’t fit the mold. So people like this guy think that they’re unique in loving someone who isn’t what you see in magazines, but they’re not. You just don’t see it because it doesn’t fit the dominant narrative.
But, do me and all other fat people out there a favor: if you do end up with one of us, don’t blather on about the ways we defy the mold of conventional attractiveness. Or at least, if you do, don’t frame it in a way that makes those ways sound like flaws. And for the love of everything sacred, don’t act like you’re doing something special for falling in love with us.